The Stranger In The Mirror

What do you see when you look in the mirror?  For a victim of abuse the mirror gives
a very distorted reflection of what is really there.  I spent years hearing that I wasn't a
good enough wife, mother and person.  Even before we were married I didn't meet his
expectations, and he started trying to make me into an image that pleased him.  Over
the years I lost myself.  I slowly began to change to please him.  My personality which
had always been lively and bubbly, became subdued.  I became increasingly watchful
about what I said and even began to make sure the inflections in my voice could not
be misread by him. 

Living like this is exhausting.  It taxes your sanity and warps your outlook in general.
Walking on egg shells around the person that promised to love and cherish you is a life
that is unrelentingly stressful and extremely unfair!  After a while you begin viewing
yourself through his eyes.  You start to believe the lies that he tells.  When you look into
the mirror, the person you see looking back at you is a stranger and a big fat failure. 
So how do you find your true self again?

In one of my counseling sessions I was instructed to write down what I found good
about myself.  Wow...this was so difficult.  I sat staring at the paper unable to come up
with anything to write on it!  What was there about me that anyone would find appealing?
My counselor had to get me started.  She told me that when she looked at me she saw a
survivor!  I had never viewed myself in that way before. 

Webster's Dictionary defines survivor in this way, "To live longer than:  to outlive or
outlast another person, thing, or event; remaining in existence after it has passed away."
She went on to explain to me that to be a survivor meant that I had an inner strength
that I had been able to tap into to survive.  I had outlived the domestic abuse, it was a
thing of the past that I was finally free of.  She also pointed out that I was my children's
hero, I had kept them safe through all those years...and that I was strong!  To be  told
that I was a strong person, a survivor and a hero was astonishing!  These were titles that
I was not accustomed to associating with me.

I sat stunned.  I had never thought of myself in these terms before.  I had always viewed
myself as weak.  She stood me in front of a mirror and had me tell that person looking
back at me that I was strong, a survivor and a hero.  I began to cry as I realized that I
had lost myself over the years.  As I put more distance between my abuse and the life I
now live, I am getting to know that person in the mirror a little better.  She has qualities
that I can admire.  She has more strengths than I realized.  That person in the mirror is
a survivor...and I'm proud of her!