that is both red and a flag means stop and pay attention, there is something important
that you are meant to be aware of!
In a domestic violence situation there are red flags. These are warning signs that
there is something going on that needs to be addressed. Sometimes what is notable
to an outsider is not so readily noticed by the victim. There is quite often a stage of
denial that happens. "He didn't mean too," "He had a hard day," "I provoked him."
It is easy for the onlooker to see these as the excuses they are, but for the victim they
are often the lies they tell to themselves and others in order to keep going.
There are many faces to domestic abuse. Controlling, obsessive and possessive
behaviors are not always obvious at first. However as the relationship develops these
behaviors emerge and always intensify. In my case I thought that him always questioning
where I was and what I was doing before we were married showed that he cared; I
didn't see them as the red flags they were, the beginning of a slippery slope that would
send me sliding into a marriage characterized by obsessive and possessive actions
that worsened over the years.
Domestic abuse has different looks because every relationship is unique. But there
is a common denominator to abuse and that is control. So what are the red flags
that would point out this behavior in a relationship?
1. You are told you are a failure at everything, nothing you do is right.
2. He is jealous over any time that you spend away from him, or is jealous over
your relationships with your friends and family, and even your children.
3. He keeps you isolated from your friends and family.
4. He constantly shames you in front of people.
5. He has absolute control over finances, you have no money of your own.
6. He scares you by his actions.
7. He controls where you go and what you do.
8. He makes all decisions for you, sometimes to the point of what you wear and say.
9. Your belongings are destroyed.
10. He tells you that you are a bad girlfriend, wife or mother.
11. Threatens your children in order to control you.
12. Prevents you from employment or furthering your education.
13. Hurts your pets.
14. He forces you to have sex or to engage in sexual practices you aren't comfortable
with.
15. He pressures you to consume alcohol or drugs against your will.
16. Name calling.
If you are suffering one or more of these control tactics listed above, you are in an
abusive situation and need to seek help immediately. No one deserves to be treated
in such a humiliating and degrading way. Pay attention to those red flags, they will
save your life!
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