Isolation

To isolate means to be placed in a detached state.  You are alone, without the company
of friends or family.  ALONE...there isn't a word that conjures the true meaning of
isolation better.  

A victim of abuse lives in this state.  There are two ways that isolation affects the
domestic abuse victim.  The first way is when the abuser cuts off all communication
with those that are close to the abused.  This gives him complete control over her.
He doesn't have to fear anyone coming to her aid, butting into "his" affairs if they
are not around.  This leaves the victim with no one in whom to confide, no one to
trust, it leaves her truly alone.    

The second way isolation is used is this;  the victim might have others around, friends,
family, however she is so afraid and controlled by her abuser, she will never reach
out for help.  It is a terrible feeling to be alone when surrounded by those that truly
care about you. 

I had both ways used against me.  My husband tried his best to keep me isolated
from friends and family.  He knew however if he completely shut them out there
would be questions asked that he didn't want to deal with.  So even though he refused
to let me go out very often, talk on the phone much, or have any life outside of what
he could control, I still managed to have some contact.  So the second use of isolation
was used.  In the 25 years of marriage, I never reached out for help.  I desperately
wanted to though.  Once, when my children were small, I did out of desperation take
them to a shelter.  I only stayed one night because of the deep fear that he had instilled
within me of the consequences if I ever went against him.

The reason that victims do not reach out, is not because the abuse isn't bad enough to
incite that kind of reaction;  it's because the abuse causes a fear that over-rides the
red flags that are waving in their hearts.  They are paralyzed by the fear of what the
consequences of their speaking out could be.  When you hear of a victim of domestic
violence that spoke up, realize that it took a strength of courage and bravery that you
cannot imagine.

If you know of someone that seems to be in a state of isolation, please stop and examine
the situation more closely.  It might very well be that she is a victim of domestic abuse
and needs someone to step in and be a hero for her. 

If you are the one that is suffering in silence, suffering from one or both of these
scenarios of isolation, please find the courage to be your own hero.  Contact
www.verbalabusejournals.com for help.  You are NOT alone, there is help just a key
stroke away.